01/29/2026 – Just back from new pain shrink.
Asa teen I read the book on which the 1976 movie Logan’s Run was based. Same general plot. You turn a certain age and they kill you. It was population control. You can run, but they find you and kill you. In the book, its a pleasant Soylant Green sort of death. In the movie it was a weird floating in the air while they shoot you sort of death that is broadcast and cheered. In both, folk agree because they think they are moving on to the next portion of their eternal life. Maybe they were reborn as a clone. Dont consent and you are killed for good. So folk usually died willingly.
As I recall, the book killed folk at a younger age. I think the book set the age at 18 and the movie was 25. At the time, teenage sex was off putting. Hollywood had not yet learned the controversy of the Blue Lagoon promotes movies. I would not have noticed The Last Temptation of Christ if not for the controversy that surrounded it. Like sex, controversy sells. Hence the name of the business I am trying to build: Sexy Viking.
So if they wanted ratings increasing sex in the movie they had to let folk live past their teens. In both book and movies, folk were heathens when it came to sex, drugs, pleasure and lack of labor. Some folk had jobs assigned at birth. But those jobs were fairly light labor. Since your needs were met and money wasnt needed, work was rewarded with perks like more sex and drugs. Sandmen were kind of like police. They could order sex partners on line and the computer kind of materialized them like StarTrek transporters.
I remember thinking the theme was live free, die young, and leave an attractive corpse. Later I saw it as a candle burning at both sides burns twice as bright but half as long. At the time, I did not think I’d see 30 years of age. I doubled that but I am not leaving an attractive corps.
So many times I was so close that doctors did the whole relatives and friends should say goodbye thing. It was usually septic shock, organs shutting down thing. On one visit mom and i had the same thing. She didnt leave the hospital. I did.
I dont have an expiration date. But about five years ago they gave me a 50% 3 year survival rate. So everyday is a coin flip. Again, I have no expiration date but it is starting to catch up with me. Open heart might be in my future. I’ve already got a bunch of stents in there, but there is a blockage they cant get to. Labs say kidney failure might be in my future, but they think changing medications might avoid it. Still, I now have to measure fluids in and out. It is really annoying.
So naturally I question if all this physical therapy, surgery, and medication is worth it. I am in physical therapy, seeing a doctor, or having tests 3 to 5 times a week. Well, someone noticed and sent me back to a shrink. I just met with the new one. She is like 12 years old. She has never heard of Logan’s Run and whe I told her that her office was like Mulder’s office in the first season of the X files, she asked me who Mulder was.
It was like having a conversation with a non player character. They smile, nod and pretend to have a clue what you said. But at 25 or so, what in the hell does a person know about confronting mortality?
So I asked her if she ever measured her pee. I was trying to explain its not a horrific thing like chemotherapy. It is a bunch of little things that add up. Measuring your pee, wearing a CGM sensor, double checking with a finger prick, sleeping with a bipap / O2, recording your blood pressure, putting cameras in your knee, down your throat, up your butt, setting alarms for meds, waking up for your aid, and blabla. Like chemotherapy, a person starts to wonder if it is worth it. Maybe Logan’s Run was onto something.
Thinking I am an old hairy pervert, she said urine an inappropriate topic.
Maybe I should not have led with asking have you ever measured your own pee.